I should be the most thankful person on this planet.
Because suddenly I was able to stare but without being stared back at...
I could breath without having the feeling of being swallowed.
I could actually just smile. vaguely but I could.
I don't remember when I did that the last time. When I smiled when being left alone. when being just with myself.
An it felt incredible. Like light trying to slash through darkness.
the strange panic didn't come.
ten years older. ten years younger. It felt like ages since that began...
thirty years... I can not think...not now actually.
But I'm to confused...this school starts to piss me of, and I start realizing again that none of the teachers are *giving*. Few have that human warmth...
I'm disappointed by the fetival and such...
COuld have been better...all those beutiful boys...kings and queens and criminal queers...tatoos of ships and tatoos of tears...
Aishite kudasai...
mal sehen .noch weiß ich nicht genau was da vorgeht und was mein herz da zu entwickeln versucht. Trotzdem ist da ein kleiner schmertterling. einer der stettig mit den Flügeln schlägt...