I won't give up 'til I ripped it out!!!!

I won't give up 'til I ripped this pulsing veine out of my neck.
I'll tear it into pieces.
Grind it to dust!
Why has it to hurt this much???!!
I love her!
I really do!
I don't understand why this has to happen.
How she can remain so fucking calm and tell things like : all fades out.
And I don't find nothing left of what has been in the old days
How she doesn't recognize me.
I know that we both passed on, know that it is because of the lives we have and the different worlds we live in, that all changes and never stops
And I feel really miserable about it!
I tell her that I hate what's happening to us.
That we don't speak anymore.
That she hides from me.
That she takes everthing onto her own small back.
That she can't let herself fall.
That she can't fucking once give in!!!
And she says that I don't have to worry about things like that.
That all comes to an end and that the state she is in, really is peaceful...
I hate it!
What about all the plans? Dreams? Hopes? What about the time when we used to think that we'll manage it??? We just slipped away rom the past and tried to imagine the pink glowing future...
Future in silver rather.
I can't breath.
If she'll give up...
Then...


I felt it...
that it would become like this. Since I last held her hand, I did know that if I didn't turn back at that moment that everything would go to hell.
But now, I rather wish to be in hell than living through this one...
I'll rip it out..
That vein...