saraba, butterfly

"Talk to me!", he screamed at her.
"Talk!"
She held her head down.
"I can't", she said softly, whispering.
"Talk ,you foolish girl!!!"
She stared at the desk in front of her, hearing her class mates starting to whisper.
The man in front of her emaned a soft sour smell. She could see his sweat drops falling onto her table. His breath on top of her.
"TALK! You stupid girl!ARE you deaf! Answer me, when I'm talking to you!"
"I can't..."she whispered again.

~She saw the moonlight glistening soflty on the silver surface. How beautiful...she thought. Her breath accelareted at the thought of feeling it sliding across her skin. Perforating it.
She looked outside the window. A ghust of wind blew a bird against it. It broke its neck and fell down. She slowly opened the window and stared at the dead body on the ground~

"I can't...", she whispered again.
Her collegues were starting to shift uncomfortably in their chairs. Someone told her not to be foolish and just answer.
She shook her head slowly.
The professor clenched his fists. The papers rustled in unison with the puffing noises he made.
She thought of light.

~She backed away, as she stepped out of the train station. Soft sweet air caressing her bare legs, playing with her skirt. Everything smelled of violets and lilac. She dragged her suitcase along. smiling into the sun. At the far end of the station she distinguished four silhouttes ,waiting for her. One of them raised its arm, waving frantically. Her heart began to pund like mad. She bagan walking faster. then she let go of the suitcase's handle and started to run, tears of joy streaming down her face. She flung herself into the first persons arms , the others closing in around her and laughing happily.~

"Tell me!"

She smiled down at her desk. Her hand shifting lightly to the left. Her fingers sliding over the raw surface.

~it fell onto the floor glistening as it was. red hot driplets scattering like petals onto the white floor.
"beautiful..." she thought... Pressing her knee against her mouth . ~

IKITE O KUDASAI!!!
Someone screamed in her head. Like always. She distinguished the voice, hanging, drifitning. Always there.
Anata no koe ga... then she saw faces basked in sunlight.
Felt the soft breeze of a warm spring morning on her face and heard a bird chirping its carefree tune. She smiled. Four other faces appeared. Looking down on her. Smiling joyfully. their hands outstreched.

"I can't...."

~A moth flew into the lamp on her table. With a soft rustling noise it fell onto the desk.
She stroked its wings softly, inhaling sharply. Sobbing.~

"Talk!!!"

~ She stared at the tree in front of her. it looked like a broken old man. Moaning his pleas up to heaven. She stood there for a while longer after ripping out a piece of paper out of her blue notebook. Writing down something. She touched the tree's roots softly, placing the paper in a hole at its base. A kiss followed. She left without turning back.~

She shook her head.

~Anata-tachi no koe ga...~

He slammed his fist on the table

~Please, don't be sad. I know that heaven seems not far away...I was convinced, always, that I had to stretch my hands out to reach it...what must you think? rooted to earth , breathing life and still not reaching eternity...~

"I SAID THAT I CAN'T!!!"
She took up the pencil and slammed it brutally through bouth of her cheeks,from right to left, feeling the material perforate her flesh. Hot blood flowing in a steady stream down her cheeks, throat, hand, arm. Soaked her clothes.She circled the wood in her mouth with her tongue. Smiling.Silence.

~I can soar. I just have to find the butterfly and rip out its wings.~

Todokanai.....

~the sky is still too high...~

She stood up. Pencil sticking out of her cheeks. Everyone looking at her as she walked past everyone in the room. The teacher fell onto the floor, facing the ground, staring at his hands.
Her collegues were staring unbelievingly at her.Some girls started to cry.She closed the door slowly behind her.

~She placed both of her hands onto her ears. The sound grew louder and louder. Filling her up.
She screamed against it. Her eyes closing in pain. ~

I can't...she whispered while she was walking down the school corridors.

~ itoshii tomodachi-tachi wa...aishiteru ne...gomen.~

Her dress floated on top of the waves. Floated and floated. and floated and...